I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
