Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
