What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize