Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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