i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
