I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
