quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
