Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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