that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You're a waste of cheezeits
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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