We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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