Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
