That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
