escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize