I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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