so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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