my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize