I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
