she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
