So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
