i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
