how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
