He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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