I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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