does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
