Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
