I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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