His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
