I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
