you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
