I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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