Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

farters have to be the big spoon...

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(951): View more from California

So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

(909): View more from California

dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

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(913): View more from Kansas

she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag

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(612): View more from Minnesota

That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.

(1-612): View more from Minnesota

I will rub McFlurries all over you.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.

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(229): View more from Georgia

It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.

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(330): View more from Ohio

can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism

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(217): View more from Illinois

Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.

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