after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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