Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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