He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He did a backflip because drugs
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
