$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
