I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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