I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize