and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
