it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
