I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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