you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
