I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
