The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't deserve a penis
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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