Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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