Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
