That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
