I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
why is half of my head shaved?
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