My underwear smells like fireworks.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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