I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
