So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
