I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
