dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
