Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
