I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
