When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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