Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
