hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have post one night stand depression
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