I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
