so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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