4 words: hood of his car
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
