Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
