Did you just see the Batmobile???
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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