i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
