I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
