I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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