No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
