Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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