friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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