Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
