i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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