The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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